...and so it began....
It was a psychology course called Behavioral Changes that started me on a steady course of Journaling - keeping a written record of my journey from there to here...or so it seems. It was during the years 1997 and 1998 that I knew I could no longer continue to live as I had always lived. What had brought me pleasure and meaning...no longer seemed important and I was left with a gaping hole and nothing to fill it with. And so, I left on a new journey - a journey from all that I knew before - the perceived known and began taking baby steps into the realm of the unknown... The realm of the unknown is where we all first lived - as infants and children, learning and experiencing everything for the first time...until, at some point, we reached a place called the "Comfort Zone" - a place where we "think" we know most everything that needs to be known and where we tuck away everything we "think" we will need in order to stay happy...yea right. The comfort zone began to smell a bit stale and every time I stepped out into a new experience, I got a glimpse of what I had left behind with my child...and I wanted it back. You see, every moment of our lives is "new" and yet, too often, we see it through yesterday's eyes - "been there, done that", and all that could have been is lost in translation.
I have established this page to capture some of the highlights from the journey I've undertaken over the last ten years. I've grabbed a journal entry here and an on-line post from there - a chronological time line that sheds a bit of light on what mind was in charge at this time or that, and reveals the steps that eventually led to growth as what I like to call the Humane Being that I like to think I might be...the evolving Humane Being that I think is still finding his way...
July 8, 1998
It's 5:30am on this wonderful Wednesday morning. I woke up, and got up before Michael this morning, without the use of an alarm (or should I say "opportunity") clock. The early morning is one of my most favorite times. Yet this day is different; it is the day things begin to change for me and those I touch. This, the first day of the rest of my life will be different. Beginning with this writing, the first of my daily journals, I begin a journey towards my destiny. A destiny I am now ready to choose for myself and take the steps necessary to make it a reality. For far too long I've sat back and watched those around me (and those on TV) instead of seeing the potential and opportunities screaming to be heard within myself...my essence is to be unleashed.
I'm now forty years old. Not too old to stop me from attaining any of my dreams, yet old enough where I need to get my ass in gear and develop and carry out the plans I need to reach the plateau of personal freedom, true happiness, and the recognition of my ancestral inheritance. These gifts from those who came before me the calm, easygoing and artistic nature provided by my Grandfather Frederick, whom I barely remember, the love and appreciation of music, the love of writing as a craft and possible livelihood, and perhaps most important, the love of those human beings we share this Earth with and all the potential and magical stories which can be shared if only I initiate that conversation with the stranger sitting next to me, these are the gifts I received from my Grandmother Frederick (along with her piano) the longing for hugs and kisses from those I share my life with, the love of food as an art and ability to seem overflowing with love for family are the gifts I received from both my Grandmother Herchenroder and her mom, Ma Karl the wisdom that it's never too late to enrich your life with the family that's been right in front of you all along, I received from my Grandfather Herchenroder, the longing for professional achievement and recognition was the gift of my Aunt Kay, and of course the gifts from my mom and dad, which I will have to get into tomorrow, since it's now 6:30am and time to get ready to go to work. That last sentence spells out what needs to inspire me to continue on my quest for fulfillment...to be able to call this writing my work and to be able to transform it's meaning from a dutiful meaningless chore, to a lifelong love to be enjoyed and shared.
See you tomorrow... LIVE LIFE WITH PASSION, don't let it pass you by!